who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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