halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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