I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
