Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
