I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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