dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
