My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
