i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
