Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
