found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Mom said you looked used
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
