I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
