Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
vagina is talking i cant
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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