so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
did i just pee glitter
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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