It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
