So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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