I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
