for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
