I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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