The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
