guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize