dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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