not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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