you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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