I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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