question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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