someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
