I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
