You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
vagina is talking i cant
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
