You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I love you. Go after that dick
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
