I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
