i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
