I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
