He disabled his match.com account in front of me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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