She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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