i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
