I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
