MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
