Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
