Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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