dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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