Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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