if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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