You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Green mimosas i think yes
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
