then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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