I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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