Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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