I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
