Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
