Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
