its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
