You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
