I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Bring me that man meat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize