Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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