I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
