Please, let me fuck your mom
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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