I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
