This is not my ceiling
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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