this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
