Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.đź’¨
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
