Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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