I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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