you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
