It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
