This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
