im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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