And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
