I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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