i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize