Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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