You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
