Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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