I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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