Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
