God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize