What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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