Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
