never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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