WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
