Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
