Pappa wants mamma naked
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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