Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
