Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
