I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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