ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
