I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
