Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
