My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
