Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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