If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
