Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
