sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
