He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
